‘The Bachelorette’ 2017: Rachel Lindsay’s Premiere Night Recap

Chris Harrison talks about Rachel and the support she has been receiving since she joined The Bachelor last season. We then get a look at Rachel’s life as an attorney. She is sweet, sour, sassy and classy. So—she is a sour patch kid? She also brings her dog Copper. That is cute. Everything else is her getting her wardrobe, taking pictures and talking about meeting the man of her dreams.

Video packages! Kenny is a wrestler/daddy who wants to win Rachel’s, heart. His daughter’s middle name happens to be Rachel. He says he hopes the next ring he touches is the one he gives her.

Jack Stone is a fellow lawyer who lost his mom as a teenager.

Alex wants to prove he is not a meathead, but a nerd.

Mo launched a startup company and loves to Bollywood dance.

Lucas is the Whaboom guy—which is boom with more energy. I need a few glasses of wine to deal with this dude. He also sings a made up song about Rachel.

Blake is a personal trainer with an above average libido. His last relationship was sex based. He also says he has an amazing penis…overcompensating much? He also wants to help Rachel with her sex life. Uh, I am more and more grateful for someone special right now.

Diggy thinks he and Rachel will have cute kids.

Josiah is a former troubled kid who now works as a litigator at the place who saved his life. He talks about how his brother committed suicide and how at seven years old he had to cut his brother from a tree. When he was arrested, he was told that he was better than this and turned his life around.

Rachel meets with some of the girls from her season, including Corrine, Raven,  Alexis, and Astrid. They talk about her future wedding and being bridesmaids. It’s actually really cute. I love their bond and how sweet they all are together.

Corrine gives the best advice, saying to give everyone a chance. The other girls agree with this.

Whitney says that Sarah from their season thinks DeMario from the Final Rose ceremony might not have the best intentions.

Limo entrances!

Peter looks like Bill Nye The Science Guy in his suit and bow tie. He is from Wisconsin and impresses   Rachel right away.

Josiah is a prosecutor and says she will have no reasonable doubt it will work out. He says see you later, litigator as he leaves. Ok, that was cute.

Bryan speaks to her in Spanish, and he says she is in ‘good’ trouble because he will be her first Colombian.

Kenny dances with her.

Rob is a law student who says she is his Bachelorette.

Iggy is excited to meet her.

Bryce, the firefighter, literally sweeps her off her feet.

Will channels Urkel, goes back into the limo and changes into a suit.

Diggy wants to teach her how to dig it.

Kyle shows her his buns—ones he made especially for her.

Blake K. is a Marine who shares a story of how his grandparents married a few months after meeting. They just celebrated 60 years together.

Brady is a male model who breaks a block of ice—to break the ice. Ok, that was clever.

Dean from the Final Rose is glad she was impressed with him.

Eric the personal trainer dances with her.

DeMario looks forward to more time with her.

Blake E. comes in with a marching band.

Fred knew her from school. He was in third grade, and she was in eighth. He was apparently a bad kid.

Jonathan is a tickle monster. Um, I would punch him in the face for attempting to tickle me.

Lee sings to her.

Alex dances with a vacuum.

Milton takes a selfie with her.

Adam brings a ventriloquist dummy.

Matt comes dressed as a penguin.

Anthony shows up in a firetruck.

Jamey says her dress is ridiculous.

Jack Stone wants to talk more inside.

Mohit takes her hands and says this is the only time he will have the upper hand.

Jedidiah is a doctor.

Michael brings her a brownie.

Lucas talks about his testicles and uses a megaphone to whaboom his way into her heart.

Whaboom dude Lucas pretty much scares everyone with his loud personality.

Time to mingle! Josiah talks about his pass and getting a second chance. She thinks it was a beautiful story and he thinks they have so much in common.

These guys are so obnoxious. I know they want time with her, but they are acting like jerks when Josiah is talking to her—almost to the point where they are making fun of him.

One of the guys builds a sandcastle with her.

She thinks this is a humbling experience—I’d think doing something beneficial for society would be more humbling, but what to I know? I just recap here!

The doll scares me.

Fred and Rachel recall their memories from camp. She used to discipline him for being a bad boy at camp. It would be so funny if he were her final pick.

Bryan says he is here for something serious and talks to her in Spanish. They also make out.

Chris Harrison brings out the first impression rose, which amps up the testosterone in the room.

Mo tries to get time, but she is with someone, so he is told to wait. He decides to keep drinking and even steals some guy’s drink.

She is getting overwhelmed with all the guys.

Whaboom dude—I can’t….I just can’t. The megaphone makes things even worse. He scared my poor cat Brody, who meowed and ran out of the room in fear.  The other guys hate him already.

Okay, I’ve only had half a glass of wine so far—what in the name of sweet justice is happening with these guys? Vacuuming, whabooming, causing drama already, ego bashing—I don’t think I could date any of these guys.

If she chooses Whaboom dude, they need to examine what is fly. Someone actually said this.

Bryan gets the first impression rose.

Rose ceremony! She says not everyone will get a rose, but she appreciates them and thanks them for coming.

Peter, Will, Jack, Jamey, Iggy, Eric, DeMario, Jonathan, Bryce, Alex, Kenny, Dean, Matt, Anthony, Brady, Josiah, Lee, Diggy, Fred, Adam, Blake E and Lucas all get roses.

Jedidiah, Blake K, Grant, Kyle, Milton (I don’t remember him from the limo) Mo and Rob are all sent home.

Milton is crying, but it seems like he was just there from the rose ceremony. He thinks he is the best dressed there and mad that a penguin and some dude who was underdressed made it through.

Seems like there is a lot of drama this season. Stay tuned!

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